Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters

"Don't look so forlorn!"
"You don't have a snowball's chance in Hell."
"She's falling for you. Slowly, but she's coming around."

I honestly can't make sense of this. None of this has any cohesion, no sense of truth or falsehood. I'm not sure which to believe or to even pay the slightest heed. These perspectives are all from people who I honestly think have their heads on straight, or at least somewhat.

The interesting and almost funny thing about this is that anything they have to say is irrelevant. This is whole deal is between myself and the person who the other two quotes are referencing. No one else's opinion on the matter, no matter how comforting or disconcerting, really makes a difference.

So, then why not ask her about this whole mess? That would be the logical approach, after all. She's in love with someone else, so what does it matter? She knows where I stand, and I'm doing my best to lock this all away so that I don't destroy what I already have.

What do I have? I found counterpoint for my soul. I found the first person in two decades to whom I could pour out my entire soul and she took it, even though something tells me she never really wanted it. Maybe its grown on her. There's got to be a reason that she still hangs out with me as much as she does. There has to be a reason that she still has a sincerity in her eyes when she looks at me in a way that makes me think there's something more here. Maybe she's betrayed by her feelings just like I am. God only knows.

We watched Almost Famous last night. It's funny how that movie always reaches down into me no matter at what point in my life I'm at.

Lester Bangs: Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.
William Miller: Well, it was fun.
Lester Bangs: They make you feel cool. And hey. I met you. You are not cool.
William Miller: I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.
Lester Bangs: That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.
William Miller: I can really see that now.
Lester Bangs: Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.
William Miller: I'm glad you were home.
Lester Bangs: I'm always home. I'm uncool.
William Miller: Me too!
Lester Bangs: The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool.

Here's to finding what we're all looking for.