Torn and Frayed

Well, I haven't written in a while, so I might as well recount the biggest stress center and get them out. Maybe it'll help me.

The "love unrequited" I wrote about last time has been settled and accepted. I found out there's a pretty high level of certainty that my ex cheated on me while she was studying abroad. That did wonders for my self-esteem. So here's where life starts to get complicated. A very good friend of mine, who I've had a crush on since I met her two years ago and never breathed a word about, were drinking late into the night a month ago at a mutual friend's room. We didn't leave until about 3 in the morning, and as I was walking her back to her apartment, I told her how I felt, feeling as though I had nothing left to lose. She responded with a smile and blush, and took my hand. When we got to her place, she invited me in. I honestly thought she just wanted to talk since we were in the middle of a pretty deep conversation before we left the other room. She cleared her couch and we sat together, holding each other close. After a short period of time, she kissed me and I kissed her back. And things went a bit further, but not anything that would be considered sinful or immoral. We had a night of passion and deep conversation intertwined, until I left at 8:30 that morning. After we both got some sleep, we met and discussed this whole mess. We agreed that trying to make a relationship work with the long distance it would require since she's graduating and moving on to grad school, and I'm stuck on the Mountain for two more years would not be a good idea since we don't have the foundation to make it work. "If this were January and not May, we'd be having a very different conversation." That line is going to haunt me for a while.
So, in short, we're in a freaking huge gray area. We aren't dating, but we're more than just friends. And I'm getting close to her. Really close. Talking to her every day close. Letting her into the "home" stuff. She's seeing the scars and wounds that are normally covered to the public eye. I haven't let anyone get this close since the Sorceress, and she's even close to getting the FULL story. *shudders* That night I I'm scared and I'm vulnerable. and I'm seriously falling for this girl. Not just some crush or some passing thing.

So why is the question. Here's a list:
1. She's brilliant. I feel like I don't have to dumb myself down. That doesn't happen with the majority of girls I've liked/dated.
2. She's got moral character. Something lacking in my last two girlfriends...
3. When I kissed her, I was satisfied for the first time in my life. I didn't need more. There was no other longing or sense of being incomplete. That's never happened before.
4. She's one of my best friends. We have similar interests, but very different perspectives on them. I finally want to date somebody because I want to be hang out with them and enjoy time with them, not have it based in sexual tension.

I'm actually falling again. God help us all...